I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
