keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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