Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
