I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
