If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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