I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
