There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
