I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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