yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
