Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
