I'm really into asian looking animals
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
