Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
how does that bad decision feel?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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