You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
