Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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