Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
