You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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