If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
