ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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