I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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