i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
