dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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