Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
