if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize