i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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