saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
