he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
