Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
