Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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