if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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