people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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