I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
