good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
