I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it because I queefed?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize