I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize