Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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