umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
