i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
