On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
