my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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