My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
