Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
