I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
