Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
