when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
