he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
