I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
