Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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