You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
