Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
