God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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