I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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