she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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