i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
