my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize