Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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