I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
