Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
