I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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