Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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