we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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