We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
