I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
