sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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