I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
