I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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