You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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