Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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