Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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