i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
