he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize