my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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