he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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