This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
