nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
