ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize