I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
