ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Buhtt sex?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
