Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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