Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
