this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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