The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
