I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
