So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
