Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
