You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
