my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
