Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
