if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
