No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize