yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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