I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
