i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize