I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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