is your mom at the bar?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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