Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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