New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
